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User blog:GSFB/Centaur vs Knight
Centaur VS Knight The inhuman hybrid vs the Champion of Medieval Chivalry WHO IS DEADLIEST? The STATS BATTLE Deep in the Suregood forest, a Centaur carries off a maiden. He smiles and laughs as he leaps over streams and kicks away rabbits. As he goes deeper, he stops, turning around. He hears something behind him, another series of hooffalls. Another centaur, he thought. The Centaur turned his body around, facing the direction of the noise. Oddly, his face remembled that of...Eric Idle. As the Centaur looked around, he saw sunlight glint off something metallic. As he watched, a being unlike any he had seen before emerged from two huge, ancient bushes. It was a warrior mounted on a mighty steed, a horse larger than any horse of Centaur he had seen before. Both warrior and steed were covered in steel, a metal that the Centaur was unfamiliar with. The Centaur was googly-eyed, thinking that perhaps he was seeing a god. When the Knight stopped, he opened the visor of his helmet, which startled the Centaur. Odd, the Centaur thought. The face of the warrior resembled that of...John Cleese. "Who goes there?" The Centaur asked, looking the odd warior over, "Are you a god?" The Knight looked left, right, then back at the Centaur. "Who...me?" "Yeah you." "I'm no god; there is only one God!" the Knight said. "...No there isn't. There are the 12 big ones on Mt. Olympus, countless lesser ones, like that Dryad over there giving you the eye..." The Centaur pointed. The Knight turned around, seeing a 500 lbs female spirit winking at him, waving seductively. The Knight cringed. "You are mistaken, my mutant fellow: there is only one God, and he has given me the strength to take from you my Lady, whom I am sworn by King and country to save and protect! Now unhand her or suffer Knightly judgment!" "Well if you want to have it that way, chap!" The Centaur said, throwing the lady up a tree. The Knight kicked his Destrier horse. As the Centaur broke off a huge branch to use as a war club, the Knight charged. The Centaur charged towards the Knight, whirling the branch around like a fool. Next to a stream they struck out with their weapons. As the Centaur rode away he found that his club was cut in half by the blade. Turning, he saw the Knight raise his sword, pointing to it. "Oh Bloody-" the Centaur said. Throwing down the useless wood, he picked up a nearby boulder and threw it at the Knight. The Knight dodged. the Stone smashed into a wide oak, imbedding itself into the wood. The Knight drew his anelace dagger and threw it. The Centaur caught it and threw it at the knight. The blade hit the Knight on his side, piercing his armor and slightly cutting his flesh. The Knight looked at the knife, then back to the Centaur, then at the knife again, then back at the Centaur. "Oh your going to pay for that you hybrid Git!" "Bring it you British buffoon!" The Knight pulled out the dagger and put it back into its sheath. A squire ran towards the Knight with a Lance and then ran away, watching from behind a tree. "Hey! Where did that little bugger come from!" The Centaur said. Just then, the huge Dryad came to the Centaur, carrying several rocks. "Thought you might need these Charlie." the Dryad said. "Why thanks Mabel." The Centaur said, taking the rocks. "And, Charlie?" the dryad said. "Yes?" "Please don't hurt him; he's so cute, so dreamy..." "...Thanks for the encouraging words!" Charlie the Centaur said. As the Knight charged, the Centaur began throwing rocks at him. Though the Knight's armor dented from the rocks, stunning him, he nevertheless continued coming. The Centaur had his hands out, waiting for the proper time. As the lance drew near he grabbed it and yanked it out of the Knight's hands. Then, sensing danger, the great Destier warhorse rose up to battle with its hooves. the Centaur rose to fight back. The Horse was bigger than he thought, perhaps twice as heavy as a horse or Centaur of Greece. The muscles were thick, well veined. They were more powerful than they appeared, and they looked impressively powerful. The Centaur's hooves bounced off the steel and flesh of the Destrier, while the horse gave his head a series of mighty wallops. The Centaur punched with his human hands, but these faired no better than his own hooves. They were rearing to box for a fourth time when the Centaur gave the Destrier a wallop to the nose, two mighty uppercuts, and a swinging haymakr to the side of the head, the place where he knew horses were vulverable to a heavy punch. The impact bent the Destrier's steel armor, and sent the horse down on its left side. It was knocked out cold. The Knight struggled to get out of his saddle and stirrups. When he stood, the Centaur reared and struck the knight with his hooves. The knight flew 30 feet. After he landed hard, the now horseless warrior was given a crossbow by his squire. "Hey! Mind your own business you, you American!" The Centaur said, snorting like a horse. The Knight looked up, filled with fury. His eyes shook with malice. "Hey! Nobody calls my dear squire an American and gets away with it! Them's fighting words!" The Knight raised his crossbow. The Centaur quickly pulled out his composite bow and bronze tipped arrows. Moving so quick, he fired six arrows at the Knight before the latter could fifre his crossbow. While the arrows of the Centaur dented upon impact the Knight's crossbow dart punctured the Centaur's side. "That's it! This doeth end here! Prepare to be trampled!" the raging Centaur said. The Knight fired his crossbow again and ran over to his fallen steed. The Centaur pulled the arrow out of his horse body, where the chest would be if he were a horse. As the Knight found what he needed the Centaur turned and charged towards him. Three seconds before the Centaur could make contact, the Knight raised his lance and held it like a seasoned Pikeman. Before the Centaur could stop, the lance penetrated his horse body, coming out of the tail. The Centaur, shocked and dumbfounded, looked at the Knight, then down at the lance, then back at the Knight again. "You bloody-" The Centaur fell. The Knight dropped the lance and drew his mighty broadsword, raising it up. "I, a Knight of the Lord, a Knight of the Round Table, have vanquished my pagan and repugnant foe in the name of glory, honor and chivalry!" The Knight, smiling smugly, stabbed his sword down. The Dryad, running to his with her hands held up, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. The Knight cringed and winced. The Lady whom he came to rescue ran to him, tapping him on the shoulder. the Knight turned to her. "Yes, my lovely Maiden." the Knight said. Hhe mouthed the words "Save me" to her, pointing towards the huge Dryad. "Noble Knight, I think you have done something...absentmindedly." the Lady said, pointing downwards. The Knight looked down, seeing that he had stabbed his own foot with his own sword. "Oh, Tony Blair's Teeth!" the great Knight said. Nearby, a Black Knight looked at the wound. "Don't worry; Tis only a flesh wound!" WINNER: THE KNIGHT Category:Blog posts Category:Battles